Alien Landscape

on girl-crushes.

fine, the secret shall be revealed: Susan Lee has an uncanny resemblance to Siti Roslinda. Siti was my first girl crush. i stopped liking her that way only because i was (and still am) jealous of the way she out-words me in three out of five slam poetry sessions. they have the same noses, eyes, mouths, complexion and hair. Siti must think i'm a creep which is not far from the truth. i cling to sad boys like Firdaus and murder any girl who is stupid enough to so much as give him a second glance and listen to sad sad mad mad songs and check if my teeth are alive and run from the green when i'm heady with caffeine and subject my boyfriend to severe emotional and mental torture when he dares to hurt me even if it is only slightly. and of course, i had like the biggest crush on Siti. it's freaky though, the way she likes to scrunch up her nose and suddenly look like a freaking pig. now when i am over that whole having a crush on a girl thing, this sarcastic, infuriatingly attractive Susan Lee just had to come along looking like ol' Linda and suddenly shed her skin to reveal a fey muse. driving me bonkers with her nonchalance and that electrifying raised eyebrow moment we had once in May.

then obsession with Connor Oberst of Bright Eyes and his oh so delicious quivering hormonal voice, the intellectual lust for strong dignified old men (think Anthony Hopkins) and my fierce possessiveness of my sad boyfriend Fir assured me i have not gone rainbow. homosexual that is. merely attracted to impossibly beguiling women like Siti and Ms Lee. if it is not written by God that homosexuality is immoral and unnatural, i may have strayed; inevitably confusing artistic fascination with sexual wants and romantic love. so yes, i'm a homophobe in the sense that i am terrified of becoming one. but i am not a bigot.
Posted by NHJ 1/28/2006 09:08:00 pm

Saturday, January 28, 2006