Alien Landscape

the young lady who gave me cookies.

her eyes were animated with eager energy but i still couldn't see past her wrinkled 65 year old skin or hear past her raspy slightly shaky voice as she crowed excitedly at my childish looking sketch of her. please call me Nalini she had said, her clear eyes disappearing in a smile. it was a response to my calling her Ma'am.

even though we had quite an engaging conversation about religion and films, she still was a sad old woman to me.

her mind is very young. dare i say, younger than mine? more open than mine? she talks of armageddon cheerfully, she crows at every interesting thing she sees, she teases and laughs at passersby, she giggles behind her hand like a teenager and she has a very young smile. not old lady smiles, full of tolerance, sadness, wisdom and age. she smiles like a child! wide, white and purely happy. still, the white of dentures of course.

despite all this, i still see her wrinkled skin and her sparse hair, as she talks of things old ladies are not prone to talk about in that light English accent with a touch of Indian. i still feel the leather rough touch of her rickety hands. i still feel guilty of my youth when she quickens her steps to match mine. i still judge her. i still think of her as the kind old lady who buys me cookies and candy because i carried her groceries, not the articulate fiery young woman she is. (she then grabbed half of what she gave me and proceeded to smile and eat them herself)

Az asked me if she was senile. i felt guilty for seriously considering it. just because an old lady doesn't act her age, does not necessarily mean she has several screws loose.

the truth is, i can't get any younger than she is right now.

old age is so frightening. no matter who you are, the young always see you as that nice old lady or that sad old lady. you have no identity.

Nalini, it was nice meeting you. maybe we will meet again in Paris!

Posted by NHJ 3/28/2007 01:03:00 pm

Wednesday, March 28, 2007