ALIEN LANDSCAPE
Author : NHJ
MSN: crescent_cage@hotmail.com
email : spherickey@gmail.com
Other Blogsites
MRH
Yeoks
Airina
Iskandar
PostSecret
echoncyllan
Before Gargoyle
One Million Footnotes
Read My Poetry.
Playing:
Between the Bars (Elliott Smith Cover) by Metric
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Observations
there were a lot of little kids smiling shyly at me and at the stuffed mini elephant i was carrying around in public; latest addition to my stuffed furry family recently named, Enku. it was a gift from Spacegirl/Jellybean. there was one particularly cute kid who had the reddest lips and the shiniest pair of spectacles i have ever seen. she waved at me as i alighted the train and mouthed, bye bye.
Musings
her grandmother is the sweetest you've ever seen and Jellybean has a whole family of Asian Mona Lisas perfectly suspended in black and white. she said, but Mona Lisa is ugly!, to which i gasped and said no, she is beautiful, and i am not saying it because Leonardo Da Vinci painted her but because i really think she is. Jellybean was not convinced. i think she is secretly bitter because she thinks that i found her mother more beautiful than she is. i am laughing at this thought for some reason!
i was rather surprised to have felt that much depth of feeling for someone i've only just met today and will never meet again. she smelled of soap and old people. i will miss her.
it seems that old people do not exist in the present. they are ghosts. heavy with memories and death. yet somehow brilliant with love.
And a Lot of Lying.
a handsome twenty year old boy carrying a green bag sat beside me on the train. we rocked and nodded to the pleasant rumbling of locomotive travel. this is true. however, i pretended that we were in love and listening to the space tunes of Say Hi To Your Mom. when he alighted, he turned his head to look at me for one last time before we ended our fifteen minute relationship. this is a lie.
Posted by NHJ 11/30/2006 03:22:00 pm
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
journal entry: Saturday, 11/11/06 (prior to the revelation of wonderful wonderful)
there are certain things that don't get wet in the rain namely Hasini and i.
eskimos in pink.
eyes closed i breached her imaginary security and pictured her innards as it squelched and churned and sing like a choir of toads underneath a log.
her heart was a dark red and it beats like rhythm and blues.
i smiled at her then she was gone. unknowingly she disintegrated as if her body was nothing more than just a gathering of nonexistent red moths.
(she hates butterflies.)
through the flurry of liberated moths i saw him.
he sat quietly with eyes closed like mine. he had beautiful rough hands. his ears were slow-moving brown wings. it flexed and preened in a most endearing manner.
you see, he rumbled like a deity of thunder, my mother was a bird. she was the fairest owl in all the world. it was a beautiful union; the marriage of sky and earth.
and your friend there, is unstable, he added with a laugh. a beautiful twitter. like a child.
eyes still closed, i smiled at him. no. she is a flickering permanence. very very stable. she's young, is all.
my mother is a commoner, i shared with him. my father is a soldier. i am a dreamer.
the beautiful owl man grinned. i can see that he said. his teeth were pearlescent yellow. strangely though, it did not appear unhygienic. it just seemed so natural.
so what do you think of our tropical ice creature here? he queried seriously, indicating the polar bear exhibit. his ears twitched. he looked slightly peeved.
i frowned. i did not know what to say. he's just like any other Singaporean, i think.
his eyes widened and he started to say something in indignance but decided against it. in the end, he laughed. the air was heavy with his musical twitters. i was about to ask about his visit when i heard red moths murmur and collide.
i opened my eyes and there she was again. she said something along the lines of had fun sleeping? or had enough sleep? her slightly caustic manner tickled me. i laughed and said yes.
glancing over her red shoulder hoping to catch a final glimpse of the man birthed by a bird, there was only the furious whispers of rain.
Posted by NHJ 11/22/2006 07:32:00 pm
Saturday, November 18, 2006
Posted by NHJ 11/18/2006 09:49:00 pm
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
when i asked for forgiveness, my face turned hot then cold.
the truth will set you free.
it strips you bare and ugly for all the world to see.
Posted by NHJ 11/14/2006 07:12:00 pm
Saturday, November 11, 2006
the flutter of dead lips.
you're my wonderful wonderful. you walk in shoes that do all the talking. you're my wonderful wonderful because you're simply beautiful.
the world accelerates and dies and get reborned in monotonous magnificence over and over because you are so wonderfully wonderfully slow.
your tongue it traces circles on rain misted windows. confusing squigglies which are so much like your tight tight curls of wonderfully wonderful hair. you're my wonderful wonderful.
your breath is as loud as the slosh of ever running water. it flows into my ears and out again, leaving me clean and warm like the sheets my mother just washed and dried with her own two hands. the ones that smell like home and sleep. like happy dreams i never want to wake up from.
beautiful wonderful wonderful your head is soft as a banana. it feels dead and sad. you're so cold. like that night i fell asleep with death and loss fresh in my mind and heart.
your eyes, smouldering. you're Beatific. extinguishing rain. you sew ashes with threads of baby softness and graveyard soil. i think i want you.
sleeping beside me. soothing self hatred. stopping these absurd wishes of wanting another sorrow so deep so they would all cry and i could watch them and feel their arms around me as they embrace me hard as if wanting to become one with me.
my... wonderful wonderful. i just felt like writing to you because it's saturday and you look especially wonderful. your quizzical sleight of hand. my sanity flickers between those long fingers.
forehead upon forehead, you told me once again to smile and love and give. then i held you close and suffocated your stupid head into the meaningless mush it really is.
adieu. adieu.
Posted by NHJ 11/11/2006 06:10:00 pm
Friday, November 10, 2006
my dear friend with cold pills and razor blades. of course it's your decision but just so you know, if you decide to leave, then soon i will follow.
Posted by NHJ 11/10/2006 12:38:00 pm
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
post break up
there was only one gasp and two nonchalant reactions.
the gasp came from Siti of course who, like myself never thought Firry and i would be anything but OK. Siti helped a lot. she was distant but concerned. she watched quietly as i cried and then proceeded to recite an account of her day with comforting joy. if there is one principle that girl lives by, it is never to dwell on bad things.
so we didn't. we laughed and bullied kids and hung out with the rest and had trips to Holland Village wearing dirty clothes and still feeling comfortable among prissy ang mohs with their sunshine kids. then she reprimanded silly Aurelia who was used by Firry to satisfy his emotional and physical desires, and it all went fine. i didn't hate her because she's just a kid. barely 16. a frickin minor.
Siti and i tried our best not to call her slutbag because of that.
of course there's Hasini to whom i always send text messages if anything went wrong because she's sweet and tries to be logical and strives to be fair and at the same time secretly bitter. Hasini's one of my favourite girls, really, but don't tell her. she doesn't do well with flattery.
Amy smoked and smoked. and smoked some more until it felt like PSI when over a hundred. Amy is actually May of course. i'm using her real name now because it annoys her. Amy is just a necessary presence. i was insulted for being morose about a mere break up and mocked for being a "believer of love", whatever that meant. in that shifty eyed way of hers, she muttered you'll be fine lah. then a pause. and she added, ------g moron.
so all in all, though Fir and i are not OK, at least i am.
Posted by NHJ 11/07/2006 11:17:00 am
Friday, November 03, 2006
in ugliness, in glory
i made my first real friend because he was a liar just like me. i remember that time we were talking of unimportant things and in the middle of me telling him a well crafted lie as an answer to one of his questions, he smirked and said bluntly, compulsive liar. then he smiled and shook his head.
that was the first and only time anyone ever called me a liar straight to my face. it was thrilling, to be caught in the act. thrilling, to recognise a fellow liar; one who fibbed for the almost the same reason i did, but what affected me the most was the simple, absent minded acceptance. he understood because he was just like me, even though he would never admit it.
that was the first and last time so far, i felt accepted as who i am in all my glorious ugliness.
i don't know if it's ironic or befitting for our friendship to end in betrayal. neither, i suppose. we may be liars, but we believed in friendship. misfits should stick together. we were brothers. we were sisters. turns out that loyalty is another trait i will have to forgo.
Posted by NHJ 11/03/2006 11:49:00 pm
