ALIEN LANDSCAPE
Author : NHJ
MSN: crescent_cage@hotmail.com
email : spherickey@gmail.com
Other Blogsites
MRH
Yeoks
Airina
Iskandar
PostSecret
echoncyllan
Before Gargoyle
One Million Footnotes
Read My Poetry.
Playing:
Between the Bars (Elliott Smith Cover) by Metric
Monday, October 30, 2006
...you're just mad because the world refuse to stop spinning when you die! that other people will have parties and laugh outloud even as they lower you to the ground! you're not morose about death. you just hate that the world doesn't keel over and die too when it is your turn to go. you're selfish. in your crazy little made up world, there is no one more important than yourself.
you're not alone because you choose to be. little miss denial. you crave for company. you're lonely. but you're arrogant. you pretend to hide behind those pile of books but you're not even reading, are you? i know you. all you do is feel sorry for yourself. all those stories bleed into you and they keep you alive like a drug. you only live when you're in control. you designed some fiction world where Sarah still hangs out with us, where you win all the poetry slams, where people need you, where i love you. poor little miss denial. when are you going to realise you are nothing. nothing nothing nothing nothing. when are you going to realise you are more than you give yourself credit for?
honesty is an ugly and bitter medicine. but that is how one knows which friends are true. so, thank you. thank you.
Posted by NHJ 10/30/2006 06:29:00 pm
why do you always smile like that?
there were so many young people around. those who laugh as if they never knew sadness. those who talk loudly for all the world to hear. they will always be there; a constant reminder that the world does not grow old with you and it lives on after your death. oblivious. uncaring.
i spent yesterday with a little girl of barely eight years old, with a face so clean and bright i could barely look at it. oh the vicious cycle. again and again. and again.
we were drawing and colouring when she asked me innocently, why do you always smile like that?
like what? i said, my eyes averted.
like that time when i tried to lie to Mama, she quipped and proceeded to give me a comical, rigid smile with wide eyes.
i laughed and hesitated. children. even with a fake smile, they still look so genuine. should i tell her? i decided not to.
because i'm sad i guess, i told her simply.
why, was her immediate response.
we all are, i said to her with what i hoped was a real smile.
who? she responded predictably while fiddling with a blue colour pencil. i could tell she was getting bored.
want me to draw you a dragon? i asked her.
yes! yes! she exclaimed.
so i drew her a dragon. it had blue and red scales and long eyelashes. it smiled at a world it doesn't belong to.
Posted by NHJ 10/30/2006 05:58:00 pm
Thursday, October 26, 2006
star-crossed lovers
Posted by NHJ 10/26/2006 11:33:00 pm
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Eid Al-Fitr
another year.
i really feel the meaning of this occasion is lost on many people. it has reduced to playing dress up and bothering over social etiquette and the neverending scrutiny.
so, today there will be more boredom and discomfort than i ever experienced in a year. who wouldn't be bored and uncomfortable other than the Raya Makciks? endless visits, sweet drinks, meaningless chatter, all the pretension - i can go on and on.
i'm not even going to bother much trying to think and act like my socialite cousins this year. it feels like selling my soul.
it's better to act my part as the sullen and awkward relative with nothing to say and not caring jack about it. i've decided i should sit apart and dwell more on Eid Al-Fitr, the meaning of life and love and all that - anything but return to the Raya world of the sickly sweet. i'm sure one can gain more benefit and pahala that way.
smile everyone.
Selamat Hari Raya.
Posted by NHJ 10/24/2006 09:07:00 am
Monday, October 16, 2006
i am longing for a desire so powerful and painful, you can do nothing about it but go after it.
Posted by NHJ 10/16/2006 03:55:00 pm
Monday, October 09, 2006
standingnearthevendorbytheplatformwaitingforyourtrainbutyetagainyou'renotonitandi'm-
crestfallenholdingadroopingflowerbouqetasundaeforoneisneverdeliciousbecausehavingjunkfood-
withyouissuchfunsundaesforonearenofun.
i've been a complete failure.
Posted by NHJ 10/09/2006 01:23:00 am
Sunday, October 01, 2006
Ariel, one of my favourite poetry compilations, is the perfect companion for night train rides. here is a poem for you. a write that always makes me smile and dream.
The Night Dances
by Sylvia Plath
A smile fell in the grass.
Irretrievable!
And how will your night dances
Lose themselves. In mathematics?
Such pure leaps and spirals -
Surely they travel
The world forever, I shall not entirely
Sit emptied of beauties, the gift
Of your small breath, the drenched grass
Smell of your sleeps, lilies, lilies.
Their flesh bears no relation.
Cold folds of ego, the calla,
And the tiger embelleshing itself -
Spots, and a spread of hot petals.
The comets
Have such space to cross,
Such coldness, forgetfulness.
So your gestures flake off -
Warm and human, then their pink light
Bleeding and peeling
Through the black amnesias of heaven.
Why am I given
These lamps, these planets
Falling like blessings, like flakes
Six-sided, white
On my eyes, my lips, my hair
Touching and melting.
Nowhere.
Posted by NHJ 10/01/2006 12:22:00 am
