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Sykopanther - 2001 All rights reserved

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

coming to terms with everything.

amazing. following the computer breakdown is a burst of seductive thoughts which has but driven me insane with its verbose rambling in my head. no no, i'm not making any excuses. the computer really broke down. i am over at a friend's house trying clumsily to capture butterflies with bloody fishing poles.

so. what to note down, what to note down. nothing particularly eventful has happened of late and even if something had, i wouldn't really bother noting down here.

how i've missed posting here. it is like typing a letter to that best friend you've never met and will never meet. just the way i like it. with real people, there seem to be so many expectations and boundaries. try hard as i bother to just be true and screw whatever people think, eventually their opinion tend to matter because mine is hardly worthy.

i don't really have anything worthwhile to note down here. i have been thinking a lot about Siti(Roslinda) though. eversince that time where we got into an intimately uncomfortable situation, her milky skin and large staring eyes hounded me like a shadow. i started dreaming of Dana Scully and Jennifer and of thin yellow paperbacks lined with stories where the bad guys always won.

we're not mentioning this to anyone, she said pleadingly, almost fearfully. when i merely kept quiet, my heart still pounding and my whole body burning with confusion and an alien heat, she grabbed my hand and hissed menacingly, please. of course i'm not mentioning anything. there is nothing to mention. but why oh why do you have to make things so complicated just when we were starting to get along?

that aside, i am relieved and deliciously dripping with exuberance for being able to post an entry here again. whoever you are readers, thank you for your attention and being a part of that fabricated friendly silent entity whom i've fallen so deeply for in my loneliness and self hatred.

i love telling lies. those who truly know me will shake their heads knowingly at this. and being the lucky ill-deserving fool i am, i will still be loved somehow or other.

isn't it strange?
Posted by NHJ 5/09/2006 04:09:00 pm