Alien Landscape

lilting songs

when she speaks to me, my mother always use a neutral tone. i don't know why and never question it. childhood was of warm silence, pampered only with material wealth. i suppose i should feel neglected but this is my mother's way and there is not a moment when i cannot feel her love in my blood, bones and heart.

my mother has two constant expressions in her eyes, taking turns now and then; love and sadness. she is beautiful as she is.

when i hear her laughter from my room - a rare occurence - i would press an ear to the door to listen and smile. these are the moments that count. there are also those few times when her tone of voice softens and she speaks to me in a lilting song, just as she did just a few minutes ago. it makes me so happy i could cry.

i made her cry before, in my younger teen years with theft, truancy and other acts of delinquency i'm not comfortable sharing. i die when it happens. there is nothing as devastating as my mother when she cries. i never know what to do. i don't remember the last time we hugged so physical consolation stopped crossing my mind long ago.

i do what she does when i'm sad. i stay close and share her sadness. it doesn't really help. but maybe one day she will know i love her as much as she loves me.

Posted by NHJ 4/20/2006 04:31:00 pm

Thursday, April 20, 2006