Alien Landscape

the sun between the gap of teeth.

i bought tissue from a granny with a gap-toothed grin. her smile made my whole being smile with her. such courage for optimism. when she nodded happily at me and repeated her thanks a few times, i felt embarrassed. it was only small change after all. the only cash i had left for the day. barely the price for a heart-lifting, soul-replenishing smile and four packets of tissue which will soak my tears away for days to come. it left me feeling bare and empty. hopelessly wanting so much to offer her more. but all i did was smile at her one last time and walked away.

along the way, there was a woman who was smiling to herself as if she had a sweet secret. as she smiled in my direction, i smiled back. even though it wasn't her intention, i'd like to think that that smile was for me, telling of hope and fair endings. like a page in a story.

those were rich women. and i am poor.

but
on bus journeys home, the sun gazed its softest rays upon the words of the book which i rake frantically with searching eyes. no matter how desperate the search got, at a certain point of the journey, my eyes lifted easily toward the glass window. it was that certain point where the sky was high as it should be with strong orange clouds, not fallen low upon our faces like blankets blinding us blue and white.

suddenly i knew.
i knew the secret!

i am rich! i am alive!

i am small. there is a small hidayah-shaped puzzle piece space in this world where i fit perfectly.
Posted by NHJ 2/08/2006 07:54:00 pm

Wednesday, February 08, 2006