Alien Landscape

Perplexed, Van Winkle strokes (as doubts begin)

The century old beard that wreathes his chin.

i don't want to live a Van Winkle life, waking up one day startled at the mass of white hair on my head looking like a walking white flag surrendering my life to inevitability. i want to weave that white slowly and meticulously, aware that every strand of white is well spent in Time. i need to stop this self love. this constant pretense of self exploration when i haven't even yet grazed the surface. like Sylvia suggested, i need to devote myself to a Cause. or dedicate a large part of my life to someone. i should do the former. i have no patience or endurance to love only one mortal man or woman and give myself up unconditionally. see, this is mad. i seem to think that i am the only one granted immortality. because it doesn't matter that the whole of humankind is immortal; waiting impatiently in their earthy graves for the Final Assembly. ultimately, we are individuals. single. alone. we just happen to give a name to ourselves because we have the same biological structure.

getting back. a Cause. something worthwhile i can contribute to, to make a shitty world less shitty. orphans? poverty? Islam? the first thing i heard when i came to Earth out of a hole from my mother's tummy because i was too obnoxious and big to exit the proper way, was the cry of Azaan. so i was born a Muslim warrior. i was instantly plopped into a world which dismisses what i believe, scoffs at the flag of God and the Prophet and fears our dedication to a cause they don't and have no intention to understand. the recent Denmark caricatures appalled me. the outrage of poking fun and insulting the greatest man that ever lived. i was not at all surprised at the protests of Muslims worldwide but sinkingly disappointed at bomb threats and violent protests. is this how they honour the memory of Nabi Muhammad s.a.w., a man of peace, enlightenment and education?

Muslims are not doing enough with world healing. maybe i can help somehow.

i never wanted to say or write this so stridently but i've always believed that my purpose in life is to be a part of greatness. i grew up listening to stories of heros and warrior princesses and queens and philosophers and poets. i simply cannot be any less. i don't want to stop existing.

Posted by NHJ 2/06/2006 09:20:00 pm

Monday, February 06, 2006