Alien Landscape

puddle

Craig: we'll play again tomorrow, Laura.
(Laura continues crying and hugging his knees)
Raina: Laura doesn't believe in tomorrow.

she doesn't believe in tomorrow. she doesn't believe in tomorrow. do you know how it feels like to hear that of Laura? like hooking swinging pendulums from the edges of the heart. how does it feel like for her?

so i told Fir today, let's just sit and talk today, ok?
i... i don't think i believe in tomorrow either today. but this i did not say out loud.
being the ever innocent cynic, at that note he started to lecture me about the state of the world and the futility of National Day.
i looked into those angry gentle eyes and said they don't exist, ok? look at me. do they exist?
he paused, smiled and said no.

when it rains, i step out of the window and try to use the raindrops as stepping stones to wherever Fir is at that time. it almost is like flying.
but my feet are always not fleet enough as i try to skip from one drop to another and the drop my toe is pressed on, fall to the ground and disintegrate like broken glass.
i fall and splash apart together with the rain.
do you think it hurts too when raindrops break Fir?
you never made it to my window.
are you a puddle like me now?
do people look at you and only see themselves?
do they kick and break you because they do not like what they see?

it is raining again, love. my toes are wet against the windowsill. let us meet in the middle and stop dancing. we will fall together and break to form one puddle.
that way, when people kick us and break us, at least there will be a million other pieces of us. you and me. rain.

i love you.
Posted by NHJ 8/03/2005 09:41:00 pm

Wednesday, August 03, 2005