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Sykopanther - 2001 All rights reserved

Monday, August 01, 2005

An Arienette.

there is this girl who kisses with a blindfold on- a mercenary. i am not sure if undertaking that kind of duty is out of selfishness or simply because of a pure heart. there have been insinuations (from her part) however, that it is a mixture of both.

drifted an inappropriate distance from herself, she floats aimlessly like a ghost; she is so repelled by herself that she completely disconnect from her own beauty. she tries to hide it by being strangely frisky at unexpected moments when one assumes one has actually come close to unveiling a wonderful sweet secret then just gets left behind in a confusion of flurry falsely happy movements.

it is ironic that a mistrustful person such as her could be so appalled by the idea of loneliness. she seems to think it a defect. maybe even a sign of social ineptness.
a gift or a curse when she is just so... needed? the world needs a person such as her. someone sweet, reliable, available and sufficiently sociable. it is nice to be needed i guess. but with a depleting amount of trust, it is terribly lonely.

(it is because of things like this that i am comfortable with my current social level. or rather Unsocial level.)

hers is a labyrinth of characteristics and intentions. at times a mismatch of destiny and identity.

what i feel for her - that is a crucial component to the point of this particular entry. i do not deny that there is a certain affinity between us which she may not even see because of our conflicting personalities. and there is the fact that i can create so much just by holding a place in my heart for her. feelings that are able to be translated into poetry and words are precious. which means she is special to me. there is no why or how. certain things just are.
i wish she could see that part of her that she needs to see and not be bullied by misery whose only leverage is some deed she is ashamed of. i hope one day she learns how to harness that untapped radiance inside of her to cast light on all the shadows she has been wearing around her like a winter coat against a snowstorm of fear and mistrust.
Posted by NHJ 8/01/2005 07:04:00 pm