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Friday, February 11, 2005

Ash of the sweet smile and the great smallness.

on my way home, i saw a proud girl. she took a hurried glance at me, gave a lofty side smile and walked away with a triumphant look in her eyes. i saw too what she didn't bother to hide; the weariness of the young in an old world.

i knew her once when she was 7. she was a tiny lass with big eyes and even bigger glasses. she was shy and had the tiniest loveliest most innocent voice i've heard back then when i was on the verge of sprouting into a teenager.
there was a buddy system in my primary school back then and i was her big buddy. i adored her. she was so tiny and meek and had the sweetest smile. even after my buddy days were over with her, she still remained small and sweet. she never hesitated to brighten days with her smile whenever she sees me. even though by then i was a high and mighty teenager. she would always be there quietly, shyly smiling at me like a beautiful, unnoticed weed.
i had an unconscious somewhat maternal love for this child. i never wanted to believe she will grow up.

her name is Ash. i saw her today. a high and mighty teenager with a lofty side smile. gone was the meek smallness i adored. and the innocence i envied and feared for. there striding in her place was a tall, well made up and confident young woman who has forgotten her old buddy whose days she made almost everyday.
i looked into her eyes wearily and saw hidden there the smallness she was keeping locked away like a sweetheart trinket which she wanted to forget. so i tried to give her my own smile, trying to show her how much i adored her and how thankful i am for always reminding me back then of my own innocence just by smiling her small, sweet smile.
for just a flicker of a moment, little Ash started to smile at me but it was smothered quickly by a toss of her hair and the spread of an old brand new side smile. and a haughty yet tired glance of a teenager.

i felt dismayed, yes. but thank you nonetheless and again, my sweet Ash for reminding me once more of my own innocence compared to the pitiful loss of yours.
my memory of you will forever be of little Ash of the sweet smile and great smallness.
Posted by NHJ 2/11/2005 08:12:00 pm