Other Blogsites
MRH
Yeoks
Airina
Iskandar
PostSecret
echoncyllan
Before Gargoyle
One Million Footnotes

Read My Poetry.

Playing:



Between the Bars (Elliott Smith Cover) by Metric



People you've been before that you
Don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still



Archives
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
March 2008
May 2008

Powered by

Sykopanther - 2001 All rights reserved

Monday, December 27, 2004

today marks the day i leave everything behind. bury the hatchet and plant flowers on it like what my now lost brother used to say.
F and i got into a major fight regarding my past. i wish not to write about it. and somehow it ends up with him wanting to me to delete the last traces of memories i have of the new Revealer. i wish things doesn't have to be like this. i wish i can know how he is doing, whether he is still with MF, whether his grand plans of love and escape are working out.
i guess i may feel that it is unfair of F to deny me my only remaining friend. i guess it may be an injustice i can't even keep emails that assure me that Revealer is really turning out ok and that he has found his path. though seperate from mine it may be but it is a happy one, very much different from the dark shadows he melted into shape from. but i have learnt through all this that there are sacrifices, big ones, to be made when i'm with someone like F. someone wonderful who create whole worlds surrounding us and blocking out everyone else. someone who breathes love like he breathes air. my soulmate, my life.
i realise he needs me and alien presence from a strange planet called past is threatening and hurtful no matter how long it has resided within myself. no matter how much it hurts me, no matter how low i feel for deserting someone who still cares even though i don't anymore, in the end it doesn't matter. because honestly now, all that matters is that i give him happiness. God knows that it keeps me alive, it fills me and reminds me that i am not hollow that i do have a part in this world. and my part is to love him. for that love is something i live on to save myself and to save the fragile worlds i have in my mind and to keep caring for mankind.

i am sorry, Revealer for ever knowing you so i could just desert you in the end. and i am sorry F for ever having a past you don't like.

i look forward to the challenges i have to fight alone in the future. finally i can say maybe Sturm Brightblade would've been proud of me. sure i breached my honour as a friend and as a lady. but now i am making things right in the honour of love.

oh cheese.

oh and be well brother.

Posted by NHJ 12/27/2004 01:24:00 pm