Alien Landscape

fell in love with a comet

i finally told F i am an alien. actually he wasn't that surprised. what shocked and shook him was how he is a half breed. neither here nor there. but sometimes i feel he is more there.

i probably have not said everything that is to be said of Barry. how she rekindled that isolation i felt so long ago when F talked to Atrini. those long conversations they had still distresses me. it reminds me of how much of a stranger and how much he did not belong to me. i fear strangers. i fear who and what they might be.

besides, i dislike Barry. intensely. and i am not like this. this is not me. but i dislike Barry. very much. even Atrini never triggered off such things. she is a stain.

every man and woman who has somekind of connection with F with exception of a few trigger such painful supernovas of isolation that i get misplaced or thrown so far off my planet sometimes it takes weeks to come home. i live for weeks in a world of strangers. those who i fear may just transform and chain me to sick earth.
no there can never be comprehension. no one knows. how is it to live in a distant planet alone and falling in love with a comet that struck my heart so violently i can never recover. such awesome power. such beautiful conquest. like the spread of wildflowers. no one can know how it is to fall in love with an alien. a stranger. one who holds such prmise of actually staying.
i tried to teach him my ways. the ways of this world. but there is so much anger in him, so much despair. he cannot learn. i was in denial. i made myself think that he is not an alien anymore here. that he belongs here, in my flat world. here, the earth is flat.
he is sad that he is halfbreed. but it cannot be changed. it is who he is. isolation comes swift and lingering. and that is who i am about.

it's ok.
Posted by NHJ 12/30/2004 09:25:00 pm

Thursday, December 30, 2004