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Sykopanther - 2001 All rights reserved

Sunday, October 10, 2004

i went to tuition this morning with my head buried in Moth Diaries almost all the way. i didn't manage to stow away. the station was suddenly blinking with eyes looking at me. one pair even followed me when i was looking for a victim. in the end i paid because this young woman was indecisive.
indecision must be the most important thing that happens to a person. i imagine that's where the road forks and you're given a chance to not screw up. i don't know if the decision not to board the train indirectly will ruin the woman's life but it costed me almost two dollars of train fare.
i enjoy stowing away. i like to see it as 'hitch hiking'. some time in my life i must've turned so invisible that people don't even notice when i dig my dirty fingers into their shoulders and make them piggy back me into a free ride.

nothing happened on the way. except when i stepped on a chinese lady's slipper though i hardly can count that as anything that happened. the lady was peeved even though i meekly said sorry. though many seem to think me intimidating and sullen at first sight, most find out when they made any kind of contact with me that i am meek and rather submissive. (F would laugh at that)
i may appear meek to the world but i'm almost never so with F. that is because i am queen of in our world. there are times when the queen gets overboard and forget there are two thrones instead of one. at times like those, i am virtually flattened by F.

we got into a fight only just now. must be because of the honesty thing. just now was pretty stupid though it made F pretty upset anyways. he is like that. i don't even remember what we were quarrelling about exactly. he made me really angry when he mentioned W though. he shouldn't bring him up ever. i just find it so rude that he would bring W up when he rubbed away his existence in my life so unfairly. i respect his decision. it doesn't mean i should be happy about it. i wish he stopped totally mentioning W. i do not like those words: "the person i don't like" being uttered by his lips. it scalds.
he is asking so much of me. i cannot possibly know anymore how to please him.



Posted by NHJ 10/10/2004 02:16:00 pm