Alien Landscape

nude astral projection

the worst part about leaving F for 5 days was having to leave him with the world without me. it's like leaving my body on the streets free to be tempered with while my mind goes for a vacation. my possessiveness goes deeper than he realises. i hate sharing F with the world. i don't like having him go anywhere without me by his side. it's a little extreme i think. but it can't be helped. again, like the body analogy. he means too much.
i have seen so many beautiful things in F that the world doesn't seem to know about. i can't help wanting all those wonderful secrets for myself. i can't help fearing that if one day any of those secrets leak out, i might just lose him. his pledge of love doesn't really overpower my greedy love for him. sometimes i think i love myself too much to trust him. but that selfishness comes only when i'm drunk in high emotions. though i'm not sure i'm doing the right thing or not, usually i don't seem to be aware of myself. my existence in this world depends very much on his love.
and my dependence frightens me and makes me want to bury myself in him even deeper. but that doesns't help much.
Posted by NHJ 6/21/2004 09:26:00 pm

Monday, June 21, 2004