Other Blogsites
MRH
Yeoks
Airina
Iskandar
PostSecret
echoncyllan
Before Gargoyle
One Million Footnotes

Read My Poetry.

Playing:



Between the Bars (Elliott Smith Cover) by Metric



People you've been before that you
Don't want around anymore
That push and shove and won't bend to your will
I'll keep them still



Archives
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
September 2004
October 2004
December 2004
January 2005
February 2005
March 2005
April 2005
May 2005
June 2005
July 2005
August 2005
September 2005
October 2005
November 2005
December 2005
January 2006
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
April 2007
March 2008
May 2008

Powered by

Sykopanther - 2001 All rights reserved

Monday, June 28, 2004

dome

i dreamt of W two nights in a row. i wonder what that means. i have almost completely shut him out of my life for F. i guess shutting out so abruptly wasn't such a good idea. i do miss him. he was after all probably the only true friend i had through my primary and secondary years in school. but there's no desire to have him back in my life. it would settle very hard on F.
W promised me he'll invite me to his wedding when he marries M. i hope F will want to go.

i went out with F today. it was good. we walked around among aliens in a repelling bubble and talked between ourselves. the usual stuff. sometimes i wish the aliens wouldn't get too near. i don't like them.
i keep thinking we might bump into W. i wasn't thinking of him the whole way. just flashes of him appear now and then. [why do i even need to explain anything here. must be growing into a habit because of F. i have to explain everything. but i don't mind of course. it gets frustrating sometimes though because it gives me headaches] i didn't tell F that though [about flashes of W]. he's always so unopen when it comes to W - always ready to pounce and accuse me of something i wouldn't think of doing to him - and not to mention getting upset and insecure. but if he were to read this, i know he's going to insist i tell him no matter what. i think i will. though i feel it's somewhat unnecassary.
he asks me a lot what was on my mind. the answer was almost always 'nothing' - which is true. i stare a lot into space. he always thinks that i have something on my mind or am worried about something that i am hiding from him. most often i'm just not capable of feeling anything but him and his overpowering love i have grown to depend on to live properly.
he gives me a lot of attention which i'm not used to. that is why it's weird that most of the time, i'm not aware of my existence. i seem to see myself only as a reflection in his eyes.

i don't want them to take him away albeit temporarily. but how is that even possible. why is it that they can touch and slip into our bubble so easily when we can't come out and touch them?
Posted by NHJ 6/28/2004 07:02:00 pm